idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
