we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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