I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
