Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
