Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
