Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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