take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
