So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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