I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
