Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am one with the molecules
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
