Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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