is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
