I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
