The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
