There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
