Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
