Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
