You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
