i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Success! We fucked roommates!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
