u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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