I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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