i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm both gender and math confused
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
