He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
be right there i have to get my cape
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
