no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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