I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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