I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
