I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
