He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
