I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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