ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
