I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
