I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize