after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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