evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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