those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She needs sedatives and a leash
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
