im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
