It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
