actually, I'm a sock model
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
