Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
