I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
