My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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