I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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