census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
