I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
