I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
