I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
