ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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