so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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