I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I deserve this hangover.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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