If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
