We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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