You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
