I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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