Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
